Palutena's Revolting Dinner/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the English version of Palutena's Revolting Dinner.

Part 1
(Palutena is seen inside of a palace, flipping through holographic images of various dishes.)

Palutena: Hm... Too sweet, too spicy...

(Palutena pauses on an image.)

Palutena: Ah! Vegetable Surprise with a side of Skyworld soup!

Pit: Veggies again, Lady Palutena?

Palutena: Oh, Pit. Keep eating hamburgers and you'll turn into one!

(Pit's eyes widen.)

Pit: What?! You're not serious, are you?

(Palutena pulls up a recipe.)

Palutena: Of course I'm joking. Now, the secret ingredient is a drop of Rejuvenator. To make the carrots fantastically flavorful! To give them that...extra zing.

(Palutena pours a single drop of liquid into a bowl of carrots.)

Palutena: Just one drop.

(The carrots begin glowing.)

Pit: How about donuts? Or cake, Lady Palutena?

Palutena: Pit, leave cuisine to a goddess.

(She begins pouring more of the Rejuvenator into the bowl.)

Palutena: I know what I'm doing. Angels cannot live by breadsticks alone.

(Pit lowers his head in disappointment.)

Pit: Aw...pizza sauce.

Palutena: Hold on, that reminds me. Pit, I need you to run out and gather the very ripest tomatoes for my Vegetable Surprise.

Pit: Back in a flash, Lady Palutena!

(Pit leaves, and Palutena looks over the recipe.)

Palutena: Alright, next step: slice and dice the carrots, then sauté until they're nice and—

(Palutena looks back to the bowl and notices the carrots are absent.)

Palutena: What the...? Where—?

(She glances to her side, noticing animated carrots walking on nearby shelves.)

Palutena: Huh?

(Palutena smiles and walks over to them.)

Palutena: Well, aren't you all just the cutest! But you are on the menu, so slicey dicey and then it's time for a nice, hot oil bath.

(One of the carrots grabs a plate and throws it at Palutena, causing her to duck. The other carrots then join in and throw other objects at her as she runs behind a furnace.)

Palutena: Vegetable revolution, and they want MY head on the chopping block!

(A carrot rushes over to the furnace and turns up the dial, causing it to explode. The smoke clears shortly after to reveal Palutena with scorch marks across her skin, and her hair singed and frizzy. She lets out a frustrated groan.)

Palutena: This is a case of too many cooks in the kitchen.

(The carrots scramble away.)

Palutena: Let me remind you who eats whom!

(The carrots turn up other furnaces before running out of the palace.)

Palutena: Get back here! You're my dinner!

(A group of carrots knock over a statue behind Palutena, which begins rolling after her. She screams as it gives chase, following her onto a bridge which then collapses from the weight. However, the strings from the bridge keep her suspended in the air, allowing her to calm down.)

Pit: Lady Palutena, can you hear me?

Palutena: Uh, hello? What is it, Pit?

Pit: How's that Vegetable Surprise coming along? I'm starting to look forward to it.

(Pit is shown walking down a trail, holding a basket of tomatoes.)

Palutena: Oh, it's coming! Chop chop chop! Sauté until tender! Couldn't be simpler!

Pit: Well, tomatoes on the way. ...My stomach is REALLY grumbling.

Palutena: Wait, don't come back yet!

Pit: Huh?

(The screen returns to Palutena, who is still hanging in the air.)

Palutena: I need another ingredient. A vegetable! With, uh...dazzle! Sizzle! Pizazz! How about, uh...a squash?

Pit: A squash? I swear I saw some in your kitchen.

Palutena: Pit, I see all and I don't see any squash here!

Pit: OK, OK!

Palutena: Ah, that'll buy me a little more time... Now for a quick trip down the produce aisle.

(Palutena hops down from the strings that held her up, landing in front of a group of carrots. She then summons her staff.)

Palutena: Power of caging!

(Glowing tendrils shoot out from behind her, caging individual carrots on contact. She then walks up to a cage and holds it.)

Palutena: Now remember your place, friends. On my dinner plate.

(A rumbling noise is heard in the distance, causing Palutena to look around.)

Palutena: What? Oh, no!

(The furnaces all explode at once, catching Pit's attention from outside.)

Pit: Augh! Lady...Palutena?

(Pit drops the basket of tomatoes as he stares at the palace.)

Pit: Oh, no...

Part 2
(Palutena is shown relaxing in a Hot Spring, sighing contently.)

Palutena: There's nothing like a soak in a hot spring after a hard day...

Pit: Lady Palutena! I've rounded up the troops!

(Palutena turns to a holographic screen of her army.)

Palutena: That revolt... Those darn carrots are such a pain.

Pit: We're on it!

(Pit turns to a group of centurions.)

Pit: Men, we face the worst carrotastrophe of our time! Catch 'em, now!

(With a wave of Pit's hand, the centurions turn and march along. The screen then goes back to Palutena, who's contently watching her army at work.)

Palutena: They'll skewer them just in time for dinner...

(A carrot walks through the holographic screen and up to Palutena.)

Palutena: Huh?

(The carrot chucks a bottle at her forehead.)

Palutena: Ah! What was—?

(The carrot runs off.)

Palutena: One of my potions? Get back here!

(Palutena gives chase to the carrot, but stops in her tracks as she notices large groups of various animated vegetables staring at her. All the vegetables then group together to form a massive vegetable monster, which looms over the goddess.)

Palutena: Back off, you overgrown salad!

(Palutena runs as the monster swings an arm at her.)

Palutena: Rude...gourd!

(The monster shoots vegetables at her from its finger tips.)

Palutena: I can fix this! I can fix this!

(It begins punching a large structure within the palace, causing it to fall over.)

Palutena: They're wrecking my palace!

(As the monster pursues Palutena, it hops down into a body of water. The water shoots up with the impact, and a group of animated vegetables fly out from behind it towards the goddess.)

Palutena: What now?!

(She flinches, but upon hearing a splash, she opens her eyes to see the vegetables have once again turned inanimate in the water.)

Palutena: How did that happen?

(The massive monster begins disintegrating as Palutena makes her way up to higher ground.)

Palutena: The water must have washed off the rejuvenation potion! So in that case...

(Palutena summons her staff.)

Palutena: Power of maelstrom!

(Powerful rain begins pouring down, causing the monster to completely break apart. The rain then stops and Palutena picks up a pair of Wolf Claws from the ground, placing them on her hands.)

Palutena: I should've known. Always wash your vegetables! Now, time to serve up justice. Pit and the centurions will be starving...

(As she activates her Wolf Claws, a pair of hands reach up towards her.)

Palutena: I'll slice up a Vegetable Surprise that Skyworld will never—

(Something suddenly bites down on her right hand.)

Palutena: Wha—?

(Palutena turns and notices a large gourd monster with its mouth clamped around her, accompanied by two other identical monsters. As she stands there, the Wolf Claw within the monster's mouth unleashes a massive explosion, which catches Pit's attention off in the distance.)

Pit: Lady Palutena! LADY PALUTENA!

(Pit rushes into the wreckage with a group of centurions, but pauses when he notices something.)

Pit: What is that?

(The camera reveals Palutena standing before them with a large gourd over her head.)

Pit: Huh?

(She turns and walks toward Pit.)

Palutena: Pit! Gourd...on...head...

(The gourd breaks apart, revealing a disturbed look on Palutena's face.)

Palutena: I...eugh... Pit.

Pit: Yes?

Palutena: We are going out for dinner.