Chapter 22: Scorched Feathers/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the English version of Chapter 22: Scorched Feathers.

Part 1
(Dark Pit rushes to the door to start the level.)

Dark Pit: I'm outta here!

(Dark Pit leaps through the door.)

Palutena: Pit is still unconscious. With his wings burned up, he can't last much longer. But I thought of a way to save him.

Dark Pit: Of course you did.

Palutena: We both owe Pit. You know that. Think of the sacrifices he made to save the both of us.

Dark Pit: ...All right. Then what's the next step?

Palutena: Go to the City of Souls. It's just a little ways ahead. It's the place where souls make their final passage into death...or back into life.

Viridi: Oh, I get it. You want to turn back the clock and cheat death. Raising the dead, keeping the near-dead alive... It's pretty dirty business.

Palutena: I know the stakes, but we don't have a choice.

Dark Pit: Hey, weren't you two just at war with each other?

Viridi: Mind your own business! I'm not so petty that I can't extend an olive branch at a time like this.

Palutena: Thank you, Viridi. And thank you for helping Pit when I couldn't.

Viridi: Just so you know, this is NOT a hug-it-out moment.

Dark Pit: Not to hurt your feelings, but THIS Pit doesn't need your help to fly. So don't expect me to suck up to you.

Palutena: If your flight's unlimited, you don't have to battle on land.

Viridi: So air battle only? It feels strange to say it, but I'm disappointed.

(Dark Pit arrives at the City of Souls.)

Dark Pit: What kind of city IS this?!

Palutena: It's unlike any earthly city. The spirits of the dead gather here.

Dark Pit: So, basically, this is the Underworld.

Hades: You got it!

(A large projection of Hades appears in the distance.)

Dark Pit: Oh, it's you.

Hades: Our hero's looking a little goth today. I hope the stresses of life haven't gotten you down. That would be ever so tragic.

Dark Pit: No one's listening.

(Hades's projection fades away.)

Hades: It's hilarious how you have no sense of humor! But that sourpuss attitude's gonna give you an ulcer someday, you know.

Viridi: Anyway, Pittoo, your understanding is correct. The Underworld is where souls go.

(The Touch Screen displays a Reaper and Reapettes collecting souls.)

Viridi: As you know, Reapers are responsible for carrying souls.

Hades: But we've got an excess of souls these days. The Reapers can't handle them all!

Dark Pit: So the extra souls come here?

Palutena: Yes, though some just fade away. And others are...well...eaten.

Hades: Even in the afterlife, it's survival of the fittest!

Viridi: That makes some sense. The weak are consumed, just as nature intended.

(Dark Pit proceeds through a small tunnel.)

Part 2
(Dark Pit arrives in another section of the City of Souls.)

Palutena: Remember when I said that some souls get eaten?

Viridi: Well, here's the hideous devourer of souls himself!

(The Soul-Eating Monster lunges out at Dark Pit.)

Dark Pit: You weren't kidding about the hideous part!

Hades: I find him quite adorable, actually. And souls CAN be very delicious. Luckily, they don't possess personalities or anything like that.

Dark Pit: What—they don't?

Hades: Of course not! Souls have no more personality than blood or bone. They're just another resource to harvest from living beings.

Viridi: Your disregard for life is just astounding. Could you be any more callous?

Hades: Well, I could try. You know, souls are a bit like taffy. Sweet enough to eat, but pliable enough to mold into any shape I can imagine.

Viridi: I don't even... That's just so... Um... Nuh-uh!

Hades: I'd love to get my hands on Pittooey's soul. So dark, so chewy, so malleable! A powerful spirit like that shouldn't be wasted on Ol' Chomper's lunch.


 * [If Dark Pit doesn't defeat the Soul-Eating Monster in time.]


 * (The Soul-Eating Monster loses interest and floats off in another direction.)


 * Dark Pit: Buh-bye now.

(Dark Pit proceeds through the City of Souls.)

Viridi: Do you think Hades was serious about molding souls into other forms?

Palutena: It would explain his endless supply of troops. He's making them out of souls!

Hades: Professor Palutena does it again!

Viridi: But wait... If that's the case, there's no WAY the Underworld Army could ever lose!

Hades: Uh... SPOILER ALERT!

(The Touch Screen displays a diagram of a fallen human's soul turning into a Mik.)

Viridi: So let me get this straight. All the lives lost in battle go to building up the Underworld Army...

Hades: You got it. So the more fighting there is, the bigger my army gets. My goodness! It feels wonderful to be on the winning team.

Dark Pit: Hold on a second. Your math is a little off.  You might want to break out the Brain Age, pal.

Viridi: I have a brain age of 24!

Palutena: And that's relevant because...?

Dark Pit: Think about all the casualties there have been in this war between the gods. If Hades was right, the Underworld would be way more crowded with monsters.

Palutena: Then that means that one fallen soldier doesn't equal one new Underworld monster. After all, creating something as corporeal as a monster would take...

Viridi: A TON of souls! ...But that's a huge waste! It's...an abomination!

Dark Pit: Yeah, that's just about the sickest thing I've ever heard. We HAVE to stop him.

(A large projection of Hades appears in front of Dark Pit.)

Hades: You poor deluded things! You'll never stop me! Not in MY realm!

(Hades attempts to strike at Dark Pit, but the angel manages to fly behind a pillar, which takes the brunt of the damage.)

Dark Pit: Egah!

Palutena: Don't let him get under your skin!

Dark Pit: Not a problem.

(Dark Pit flies through Hades.)

Dark Pit: It's been great touring the City of Souls and all, but we're here to save Pit, right?

Palutena: Hey, no need to cop an attitude. Just keep moving forward.

Hades: Get a room, lovebirds.

(Dark Pit arrives at a glowing stream of souls flowing through the air.)

Palutena: This WAS a stream of souls. But so many lives have been lost that it's now a torrent. All souls need to find their final resting place down here so that life can spring anew. That's part of the natural cycle of life. But Hades keeps playing with souls. He won't let them rest. His bloodlust has thrown everything off balance.

Viridi: It's like humans disrupting the balance on Earth! It's unforgivable!

Dark Pit: You've GOT to be joking. ALL you gods and your stupid wars are the ones throwing everything off balance!

Viridi: You little nothing! How dare you?

Palutena: He may have a point. We have the Underworld Army out to hoard souls. We have the Forces of Nature trying to wipe out humanity. We have the humans continuing to exploit nature and each other. And we have us—gods—who drag the entire world into our power struggles. But it doesn't matter how this started. Now we know who's profiting from it.

Viridi: Hades! Left unchecked, he threatens us all.

Dark Pit: Then our only option is to take him down.

Viridi: But to do that, we're going to need Pit's help. Let's get him patched up.

(The Rewind Spring comes into view.)

Palutena: Up ahead is the Rewind Spring. That's where you need to go. I'll bring Pit in right next to you.

Viridi: As the name implies, the Rewind Spring can return things to their original states. But if you soak for too long, it'll rewind things too far, and that can get weird.

(Dark Pit flies down to the Rewind Spring.)

Boss Battle
(Dark Pit lands and rushes over to the Rewind Spring. While he observes it, a glowing energy suddenly appears over his wings and lifts him into the air.)

Dark Pit: Aaauuuugh!

(The energy separates from Dark Pit, causing him to fall to the ground.)

Viridi: WHAT is going on?!

(The energy gathers over the spring and dives into the water, emerging moments later as Pandora.)

Pandora: Well, that worked out nicely.

(Dark Pit rises to his feet.)

Dark Pit: Pandora... Ugh!

(The battle initiates.)

Viridi: Wow! I sure wasn't expecting that!

Pandora: YOU can thank Dark Pit for bringing me to the Rewind Spring. He was a rebellious servant, though it seems he still served my purposes in the end. But that little parasite DID steal my powers. And for that, he must pay!

Palutena: She can be quite frightening.

Viridi: I hope I never get to that point.

Palutena: Pandora's leftover power was what enabled Pittoo to fly.

Viridi: He basically had her remains living in his wings. Gross. But standing too close to the Rewind Spring seems to have revived her.

Pandora: Your freeloading days are over!

Dark Pit: Really. The whole flying thing worked out pretty well for me. I might just defeat you again and steal your power back!

Pandora: I HIGHLY doubt that.

(Dark Pit defeats Pandora.)

(Pandora backs up toward the spring.)

Pandora: Irritating little pest... Time to exterminate you!

(Pandora hops back into the water, reemerging as Amazon Pandora.)

Palutena and Viridi: Whaaaaaaat?!

Dark Pit: Who is THAT?!

Amazon Pandora: He he he he he he! It's the new, improved me! Ahhh... It's been so long since I've had a body! Eat your hearts out, ladies!

(Amazon Pandora strikes a pose, and the battle initiates again.)

Viridi: SOMEone's overcompensating!

Palutena: Feeling a little inadequate, Viridi?

Amazon Pandora: Of course she is. You should too! Just LOOK at me!

Palutena: I liked her better when she was just an evil blob.

Viridi: She's still an evil blob underneath. She just has better hair, that's all.

Hades: There you are, friends. I finally tracked you down! You're a stealthy bunch.

Palutena: That's because I was using my power of ninjary.

Viridi: Riiiight.

Palutena: What, you don't believe me?

Dark Pit: I think that's something everyone can agree on.

Viridi: Tone down the sass, little angel.

Amazon Pandora: It's been a long time, Lord Hades.

Hades: Hm? And you are...?

Amazon Pandora: Don't tell me you've forgotten your old friend Pandora.

Hades: ...I don't remember you being so...animated.

Amazon Pandora: That's not the half of it!

Hades: If the Rewind Spring did this to Pandora, I shudder to think of its effect on Pitty! No one wants to see him in that outfit. I'd better destroy the spring.

Palutena: You can't do that!

Viridi: Come on, Pittoo! Get rid of Pandora for good!

Dark Pit: Oh, don't you worry!

Palutena: Watch out for that heart-shaped crystal barrier. You see, it's—

Dark Pit: Reflecting my shots back at me, right?

Palutena: Well...yes.

Dark Pit: I got it, so stop telling me what to do!

(Dark Pit defeats Amazon Pandora.)

Amazon Pandora: Ow!

Dark Pit: This coming from the mighty Pandora?!

Epilogue
(Dark Pit holds up Pit's unconscious body near the Rewind Spring.)

Viridi: You only need to dip him in.

(Dark Pit carefully lowers Pit's upper half, dipping his wings briefly before pulling him back. Pit's wings glow and return to normal, and he awakens soon after.)

Pit: Hmm?

(Pit hops up and starts doing flips.)

Pit: Ha ha ha!

(Pit strikes a pose.)

Pit: Woo hoo hoo hoo!

(Pit looks around.)

Pit: Where am I?

(Pit notices Dark Pit.)

Pit: Pittoo?!

(Dark Pit runs off the ledge and attempts to fly, but fails.)

Dark Pit: Hmpfh! Whoa-oh-oh-oh!

(Dark Pit begins to fall.)

Palutena: He can't fly anymore.

Viridi: Fine, fine. I'll get him.

(Viridi teleports Dark Pit away, and Pit happily looks to the sky.)

Pit: Lady Palutena! Lady Palutena!

(A light shines down over Pit.)

Palutena: Welcome back, Pit.

Pit: I missed you so much!

Palutena: I missed you too. Let's go home.

(Pit is whisked away.)