Chapter 25: The War's End/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the English version of Chapter 25: The War's End.

Phase 1
(Pit runs and jumps into the air.)

Pit: Great Sacred Treasure activate!

(Pit hops into the Great Sacred Treasure and flies through the door, entering the Underworld.)

Palutena: The time has finally come, Pit. This is the final battle. Good luck!

Pit: Thanks! I am SO ready for this!

Viridi: Hope you didn't get too lonely without me.

Pit: What are you doing here, Viridi?

Viridi: There's no way I'd miss the battle of battles! I made popcorn and everything!

(Hades suddenly flies out from the ground.)

Hades: Hrrrraaah!

(Hades lands in front of Pit with his arms crossed.)

Hades: Hello again, Pitty.

Pit: Hades!

Hades: Pit!

Pit: Hades!

Hades: Pit!

Pit: Hades!

Hades: Pit!

Pit: Hades!

(Hades bends over and sneezes.)

Hades: Hachoo!

Pit: Excuse you. But anyway...

(Pit lunges forward and Hades punches the Great Sacred Treasure.)

Pit and Hades: Now it's REALLY on!

Hades: On to death!

Pit: On to victory!

(Pit is sent backwards from the impact of Hades's punch, and the first phase of his battle with Hades begins.)

Hades: Let me get a closer look at that shiny new toy of yours.

(Pit flies in closer and Hades lashes out at him.)

Hades: Yaaah!

Pit: Lord of the Underworld, it's time for you to pay!

Hades: Bwahahahahaha! You can be awfully cute, Pitty. But that doesn't mean I won't squash you like a gnat!

(Hades aims his fist at Pit but slams it into the ground instead.)

Pit: Whoa!

Hades: Drat, my arm is stuck.

(Hades struggles to free his arm from the ground.)

Hades: Grefff grrrr ah!

(He successfully dislodges his arm and turns to Pit.)

Hades: All better!

(Hades summons a whirlwind around himself.)

Hades: Here you go!

Pit: No thank you!

Pit: Great Sacred Treasure, do your thing!

Hades: Pitty? I have something to show you!

(A large, purple twister spins around Hades.)

Pit: No no no!

Palutena: If you get caught up in that twister, it will tear you apart!

(The twister dissipates and Hades lunges forward at Pit.)

Hades: Playing hard to get, are you?

(Hades begins sprinting.)

Pit: Aaaaaugh!

Hades: Good thing I've been training.

Viridi: It's kind of like watching an elephant sprint.

(Pit emerges victorious from the first phase of the battle.)

(Hades stops sprinting.)

Hades: Ow!

Pit: Did I beat him?

Hades: No, I'm fine. But I could've sprained my ankle, you know!

(Hades jumps into the air.)

Hades: Good thing...

(Hades slams down with his foot as Pit narrowly dodges.)

Hades: I DIDN'T!

Pit: What's the matter, Hades? You had enough?

Hades: Oh, no! I'm just getting started!

(Hades leaps up and out of sight.)

Hades: Let's see if you can keep up!

Pit: You can't run from me! Engaging pursuit mode!

(The Great Sacred Treasure transforms and flies off to pursue Hades.)

Phase 2
(Pit follows Hades through a portal.)

Hades: Why, Pitty, I thought I'd left you behind!

Pit: Like I said, you can't run from me! Not when I've got the Great Sacred Treasure!

Hades: What, you mean you can't keep up with me on your own?

(The second phase of Pit's battle with Hades begins.)

Pit: It wasn't cool of you to disappear earlier. After all, this IS our final battle.

Hades: Oh, I was just going to make a quick stop to decimate a country or two.

Pit: In the middle of battle? Why would you do that?

Viridi: Probably so he could fuel up on souls.

Hades: Yes, I was hoping to greet Pitty on top of a mountain of corpses. But I didn't even get a pile started with him hot on my heels. What a killjoy.

Palutena: Your hunger for destruction is as boundless as it is callous, Hades.

Pit: Plus, a "mountain of corpses"? Seriously?

(Smaller versions of Hades's face begin to appear on his back.)

Pit: Are those...face guns?

Palutena: Not just any face. Hades's face.

Hades: I want you to remember every detail of this lovely visage. After all, it's the last face you'll ever see!

(Pit emerges victorious from the second phase of the battle.)

(Hades turns around to face Pit.)

Hades: Ugh! Now, Pitty. That was VERY naughty of you!

(Hades fires a barrage of dark arrows at Pit.)

Pit: Yow ow ow ow!

(Pit attempts to avoid fire, but ultimately gets hit and becomes caught up in an explosion.)

Pit: The Great Sacred Treasure is falling apart!

Palutena: No, it's...it's changing shape again!

(The Great Sacred Treasure safely emerges from the explosion in its new form.)

Pit: Mech Armor mode engaged! This thing is so awesome.

Phase 3
(The third phase of Pit's battle with Hades begins.)

Hades: You're starting to get on my nerves.

Pit: Good!

Viridi: He's covered from head to toe in weaponry. Like a rainbow apocalypse.

Hades: I prefer to think of it as my devastation ensemble. I only wear it for very special occasions. You know, weddings, armageddons...

(Hades raises his right hand, activating a vortex.)

Hades: Yeaaah!

(He lowers his right hand and raises his left one.)

Hades: Hruuaaah!

(Hades lowers both hands and begins shooting lasers from his chest.)

Hades: Hruuugh!

(Pit emerges victorious from the third phase of the battle.)

(Hades stops firing at Pit and grabs him.)

Hades: Ooooah! Come here!

Pit: Gah!

Hades: Plucked at the peak of ripeness!

(A drill appears on Hades's chest, which he uses on the Great Sacred Treasure.)

Hades: Now I'll just drill through the rind to remove the Pit!

(The top portion of the Great Sacred Treasure separates from the bottom portion, freeing Pit from Hades's grasp.)

Pit: Augh!

Hades: Ugh! Now what?!

Pit: Take this!

(The Great Sacred Treasure slices Hades in half.)

Hades: Ooooooooh ow!

Pit: You're not HALF the villain you thought you were!

Hades: That's what YOU think! Ha ha ha ha!

(Hades flies past Pit and continues through the portal.)

Pit: How did THAT not finish him off? I have to catch up with him. Engaging ultralight mode!

(The Great Sacred Treasure changes form and continues flying.)

Pit: Where'd he go?!

Palutena: Up. He's aboveground!

Phase 4
(Pit flies out of the portal and arrives in the Overworld.)

Viridi: Behind you, Pit!

(Pit turns around and sees Hades.)

Hades: Still stalking me, I see.

Hades: Grrrrrrrrrraaaaaa ugh!

(Hades uses his power to generate a new pair of legs.)

Hades: That's better.

Pit: What the—?!

(The fourth phase of Pit's battle with Hades begins.)

Palutena: You've got incoming fire! Take out those blue shots!

Viridi: But those purple shots will hurt you, so DON'T shoot those!

Palutena: You can't get through this by shooting wildly.

Viridi: Focus on which shots to attack!

(Pit emerges victorious from the fourth phase of the battle.)

Hades: This is ever so tiresome.

Pit: Then let's finish it!

(Pit charges at Hades, but Hades teleports away.)

Pit: Wait—huh?

(Hades suddenly leaps down and clasps his hands over the Great Sacred Treasure.)

Hades: BOOM!

(Pit becomes separated from the Great Sacred Treasure and begins falling toward the surface.)

Pit: Aaaah!

Palutena: Oh, no!

Hades: Wa ha ha ha. Looks like your little toy isn't so GREAT after all!

Palutena: Snap out of it, Pit!

Viridi: Pit! Wake up!

(Pit falls to a strip of land.)

Pit: Gah!

(Pit sits up and holds his arm as Hades readies another attack.)

Hades: Since you've been such a great adversary, I've saved my deadliest attack just for you! I do hope you enjoy it!

(Pit holds the reticle over Hades.)

Palutena: I feel an outside force—a godlike force—gathering power. But is it friend or foe... It seems to be...seeking Hades! Guide this force by keeping your reticle on him.


 * [If Pit fails to guide the force.]


 * (Hades obliterates Pit with his attack.)


 * Hades: Bye-bye, Pitty Pat!

(Pit successfully guides the force.)

(Medusa suddenly appears and severs Hades's head with a single punch, destroying her arm in the process.)

Medusa: Hmph!

Pit: Huh?!

Palutena and Viridi: Medusa?!

Palutena: But we defeated you! Why are you helping us?!

Medusa: Hades keeps reviving me, but I won't play the puppet anymore!

(Medusa attempts to punch Hades again, but he grabs her remaining arm and destroys it.)

Medusa: No! How dare you?!

Hades: I am your master, Medusa, and I will revive you as many times as I desire!

(Hades generates a new head.)

Hades: Gwaaaah! But you've worn out your usefulness!

(Hades punches Medusa, destroying her once and for all.)

Pit: How could you do that?

Viridi: You look like you need help, Pit. Activating the power of flight!

(Pit's wings start glowing and he grabs the cannon of the Great Sacred Treasure.)

Palutena: Thanks, Viridi.

(Pit flies into the air.)

Viridi: Don't thank me yet. Get your heads back in the game! Let's finish this once and for all!

Phase 5
(The final phase of Pit's battle with Hades begins.)

Palutena: OK, Pit. I've got a plan. It'll take some time to pull it off, so just tough it out for a little longer. I'm using my powers to charge up the gun of the Great Sacred Treasure. Once it's fully charged, let loose!


 * [If Pit attempts to fire the cannon before his speech.]


 * Viridi: Not so fast!


 * Palutena: You have to wait until the gun is fully charged!


 * [If Pit attempts to fire the cannon a second time before his speech.]


 * Palutena: Pit, you have to wait until the gun is completely charged!


 * Viridi: Resist the urge to fire randomly!

Hades: What a pest you are!

Pit: I fight for all creatures living and breathing. I fight for all departed souls still hanging in limbo. But most of all, I fight for Lady Palutena, the goddess of light! And it's in all their names that I will crush you, lord of the Underworld! I won't let you desecrate another soul!


 * [If Pit attempts to fire during his speech.]


 * Pit: Darn it!


 * Viridi: Aaaaaugh!


 * Palutena: Don't jump the gun! Let's try this again!

(The cannon fully charges.)

Viridi: Now! Fire!

(Pit fires the cannon and the screen fades to white.)

Pit: Grrrraaaaah gah!

(The screen returns to normal as the laser from the cannon engulfs Hades.)

Hades: Gwaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Hades: It's hard to believe... But, you actually got me, Pit. The nerve of you.

(Hades disintegrates into nothing and the laser stops firing.)

Epilogue
(Pit drops the cannon and stares into the distance, then strikes a victory pose.)

Pit: Victory!

(The residents of the nearby town begin to cheer.)

Pit: Listen to those cheers! ...We did it! We saved every living thing! Everywhere!

(Pit flies up into the sky.)

Viridi: Not to rain on your parade, but now we're back to the real problem.

Pit: What's that?

Viridi: Humans! You might live for this adoration, but I'm not fooled by those cheers at all. Sure, Palutena says that humans are closest to the gods... But SHE can be a real sap sometimes. Why do YOU care so much about them?

Pit: Well, of all living beings, humans are the only ones with "heart."

Viridi: Uh-uh, not true! All living creatures have an essence that can be described as heart.

Pit: But humans have faith and devotion. That's what I mean by heart. Only humans believe in gods... Only humans RESPECT the gods.

Viridi: OK, A, you're not a god. And B, are you saying only believers deserve protection?

Palutena: Let him enjoy his moment in the sun. He saved everyone, not just humans.

Viridi: Augh! Then what's the point of faith and devotion anyway? Buttering up the gods to get greedy wishes granted?

Pit: That's one way of looking at it, I guess.

(Dark Pit suddenly zips by.)

Pit: ...Huh? Pittoo!

Viridi: Hey! Pay attention! I'm talking at you! Palutena, haven't YOU learned anything?

(Pit flies after Dark Pit.)

Palutena: It's true: humans are simple, selfish little creatures who are driven by greed. Sounds a lot like us gods, wouldn't you say?

Pit: No way! Ha ha ha! Nobody could be as selfish as the gods!

Viridi: "Ha ha ha." That's it—I'm done here. You guys can have your happy ending.

(Pit and Dark Pit fly off into the sunset.)

Credits
(Pit flies through the sky as credits begin to roll, showing images and quotes throughout the past 25 chapters.)

(The bottom screen displays Twinbellows.)

Pit: Do you hear that? Do you hear the people's cheers?

Palutena: It's our duty to protect them.

(The bottom screen displays Gaol.)

Magnus: Sorry I'm late. I had other business to attend to.

(The bottom screen displays Hewdraw.)

Violet Head: It was MY turn to have the last word!

Blue Head: Oh, give it a rest.

Red Head: Let's not argue in front of company.

Violet Head: Cram a sock in it, foot face!

Blue Head: I'm soooo sick of you guys.

Red Head: Me?! What did I do?!

Blue Head: Knock it off already!

Red Head: YOU knock it off!

Violet Head: I can't believe this is my life.

Blue Head: Can we go home and watch TV now?

Red Head: Would everyone just shut it?!

Violet Head: Someone put me out of my misery.

Red Head: Did I mention I'm starving?

Violet Head: And you think we're not?!

(The bottom screen displays the Great Reaper.)

Palutena: That Great Reaper has quite the evil eye.

Pit: How can you make puns at a time like this?!

(The bottom screen displays Pandora.)

Pandora: The Mirror of Truth is just that. It reflects the truth.

(The bottom screen displays Dark Pit.)

Dark Pit: You've got me confused with the other guy. THIS Pit is no pawn. I'll take care of him, but only after I finish you!

(The bottom screen displays Thanatos.)

Thanatos: Actually, I go by Thanatos now. The extra H is for hamazing.

(The bottom screen displays the Kraken.)

Palutena: A space Kraken?! Well, that came out of nowhere. Although, when prepared correctly, octopus is actually quite delicious.

(The bottom screen displays Medusa.)

Medusa: I'll strip you of your wings and sever you from the heavens forever.

(The bottom screen displays the Phoenix.)

Palutena: The Underworld Army has already reached the Phoenix.

(The bottom screen displays Cragalanche.)

Viridi: That's where my Reset Bombs come in—to help return Earth to its natural state!

(The bottom screen displays the Reset Bomb Pod.)

Palutena: Pit, destroy the Reset Bomb Pod to take down the entire depot.

Pit: Not a problem!

(The bottom screen displays Arlon.)

Palutena: With all THIS firepower, Arlon must be preparing for a massive attack.

Arlon: Why on earth would I be attacking? I'm far too busy...defending, my dear.

(The bottom screen displays Phosphora.)

Phosphora: Persistent, aren't we?! It's just one fight after another. Today is not my day.

(The bottom screen displays the Aurum Core.)

Pyrrhon: Let me drop a little knowledge on you! They're the Aurum, and THIS passel of floating islands is just one of their bases.

(The bottom screen displays the Aurum Generator.)

Palutena: It looks like this will take you to the Aurum Hive's power generator.

Pit: Commencing Operation Hive Infiltration!

(The bottom screen displays Aurum Pyrrhon.)

Pit: Pyrrhon?

Pyrrhon: HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'm pulling the Aurum strings now!

(The bottom screen displays the Girl, the Dog, and the Ring of Chaos.)

Magnus: You've become the enemy of all mankind. No one knows what happened. Did your goddess just lose her mind?

(The bottom screen displays the Chariot Master.)

Chariot Master: If you want the Lightning Chariot, you must prove your worth.

Pit: That won't be a problem!

(The bottom screen displays Palutena.)

Pit: The goddess of light has turned dark. Everything is wrong, and it's up to me to make things right!

(The bottom screen displays the Chaos Kin.)

Pit: The Chaos Kin is going to destroy Pittoo! I'm begging you, Viridi! Let me fly! Now!

(The bottom screen displays Amazon Pandora.)

Palutena: I liked her better when she was just an evil blob.

Viridi: She's still an evil blob underneath. She just has better hair, that's all.

(The bottom screen displays Hades's Heart.)

Pit: It's just me and that heart. That adorable little heart. Aw, it's so cute!

(The bottom screen displays the Great Sacred Treasure.)

Dyntos: That's why I'm testing this young warrior. I need to know if he has the skills and heart to operate the Great Sacred Treasure.

(The bottom screen displays Hades.)

Pit: Hades!

Hades: Pit!

Pit: Hades!

Hades: Pit!

Pit: Hadeeees!

Hades: Piiiiitttt!

Pit and Hades: It's ON!

Hades's Message

 * [If the player waits on the end screen with the feather for about 5 minutes, the following dialogue will begin to play.]


 * Hades: Well, I must say I am impressed. Such a teeny little angel defeated such a big bad god of the Underworld. Why, Pitty...that must make you the most powerful Nintendo character of all time. I'm actually rather proud of you. 8-bit Pit would've never made it this far. But don't worry, I'm not going to tear up the credits again, the game really is over. Which is why I'm here to delete your save data. ONE! TWO! THREE! GONE!


 * (The screen briefly fades to black before fading back to the end screen again.)


 * Hades: ...Nah, I'm just messing with you, buddy. Settle down, your saves are...er, safe. I mean, I don't even have a body anymore. Couldn't delete a save file if I wanted to. I'm not even sure I could be resurrected in this state. There's the real tragedy. This dashing physique, this literally godly body is gone forever? Ladies everywhere are no doubt weeping as we speak! Your fault! Oh well, I'll figure something out. I have, what...25 years until the next sequel? Anywho, you could always revisit me and other..."friends"...in the chapters you beat. You could play our battles over and over again like a favorite book or a broken record. Oh, and if the mood strikes you, throw some hearts into the Fiend's Cauldron. Hearts spice up the difficulty of the level, and can net you some sweet rewards! And because I'm not a sore loser, I've unlocked Boss Battle mode for you. So, here's to Kid Icarus: Uprising, my new favorite game of all time. Thanks for playing! Hades, OUT!