Thanatos Rising/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the English version of Thanatos Rising.

Part 1
(The camera displays a lone dandelion as a human army approaches. It then pans to Pit, who is running after a group of Monoeyes and firing at them with his First Blade. Once the group has been defeat, Pit straightens his posture.)

Pit: Underworld scum.

Palutena: Pit?

(Pit turns his head.)

Pit: Lady Palutena!

(Palutena is shown standing inside her temple.)

Palutena: The situation is grave. Thanatos is about to attack the city.

Pit: I'll stop the god of death. It's time for him...to face the light!

(The camera displays Thanatos with a hoard of Monoeyes and Skuttlers.)

Thanatos: Hoo hoo hoo! As your host of these festivities, allow me to introduce my killer chorus line!

(The sound of something being fired is heard in the distance.)

Thanatos: Huh?

(Projectiles strike at Thanatos's feet.)

Thanatos: Hoo hoo hoo!

(Thanatos notices Trojan Horses amongst an approaching human army.)

Thanatos: Ooooooh! What pretty ponies!

(The camera pans inside the horses, showing the humans working its contraptions. The catapult on the horse then fires a massive rock at Thanatos.)

Thanatos: Incoming!

(The rock causes an explosion which catches Pit's attention from outside.)

Pit: Whoa! Cavalry's already here! They don't need me at all.

(One of the Trojan Horses briefly shines purple.)

Pit: What's that?

(The horse veers from its intended path and stomps across the human army.)

Pit: It's out of control!

(The camera displays the inside of the horse, showing that Monoeyes have taken control over its mechanisms. One of the horses begins falling apart, causing the humans to run out from underneath it. The screen then pans over to Thanatos, who's standing on top of the Underworld horse.)

Thanatos: Ho ho ho! Those ponies were bologna!

(The Underworld horse grows dark wings.)

Thanatos: Fly, my filly! FLY!

Pit: Thanatos!

Palutena: Pit, we have to stop him!

(Pit looks up at the sky.)

Pit: How do we do that?

Palutena: I'll grant you my Power of Flight!

(With a wave of her staff, Palutena grants Pit flight, who then flies over the clouds and spots the Underworld horse below.)

Pit: He's heading for the city!

(Pit swoops down and flies after it.)

Pit: THANATOS!

(The screen fades to black and displays the words "to be continued...")

Part 2
(Pit flies low to the ground in pursuit of the Underworld horse.)

Pit: I'll stop you, Thanatos!

Thanatos: Flap, flap, flap! Such big talk for such a little budgie. Woo hoo hoo!

Pit: Who you calling budgie, chicken?

(Monoeyes begin swarming Pit, forcing him to slow down to fight them off. As he becomes overwhelmed with enemy fire, Pit is forced to hide behind a rock.)

Pit: Hey! The Trojan chicken is getting away!

Palutena: Pit!

Pit: Lady Palutena?

(The camera displays Palutena within her temple.)

Palutena: Allow me to help.

(She waves her staff, generating a holographic map in front of Pit.)

Pit: What's this? Palutena Vision?

(Pit notices himself on the map.)

Pit: It's me!

(Thanatos begins moving away on the map.)

Palutena: And that's Thanatos! His hijacked horse is headed toward that human city.

Pit: How do you find this stuff out?

Palutena: Thanatos blogged it.

Pit: No way! The god of death has a blog?

Palutena: Gotcha, Mr. Gullible.

(Pit stumbles in shock.)

Pit: WHAT?!

(The camera returns to Palutena.)

Palutena: Oh, Pit, you think I have time to read every blog? I never have any time for myself.

(The camera shows the map again.)

Palutena: Back to Thanatos. I'll help you head him off at the pass.

(Pit flies through the ravine.)

Pit: Thanks for guiding me! But are you sure you know the way?

(Pit narrowly dodges a rock jutting out of the wall.)

Pit: Whoa!

Palutena: Where's the faith, Pit? So I'm a little rusty at this. You're in good hands!

(Pit struggles to dodge various rocks in his way.)

Pit: Are your hands even on the wheeeeeeeeel?!

(The camera shows Palutena struggling to control Pit's flight path.)

Palutena: Whoa! Woop!

Pit: Not a puppet, Lady Palutenaaaaaaaaaa! Whoa, whoa, WHOA!

(The camera transitions to Thanatos's horse, which is flying at full speed.)

Thanatos: Hm?

(A Skuttler behind Thanatos appears to be whispering something to him.)

Thanatos: You don't say! Pit, AGAIN?!

(Thanatos notices the ravine to his side.)

Thanatos: My word, that doesn't seem very sporting to take a shortcut.

(The catapult on the Underworld horse readies.)

Thanatos: I'll have to catapult back into the lead!

(The camera returns to Pit flying through the ravine.)

Palutena: Pit, we're almost there!

Pit: Yes, I see the way!

(Rocks begins falling into the ravine, followed by a large boulder which causes Pit to pull back in an attempt to avoid it.)

Thanatos: Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! One dirty trick deserves another. Now, time to die, little city! Incoming sparkly!

(The catapult launches a purple rock at the city. The screen then fades to black and displays the words "to be continued...")

Part 3
(The screen returns to Thanatos.)

Thanatos: Now, humans...tootle-oo!

(The catapult launches a purple rock at the city—however, a quick blast destroys it before it makes contact.)

Thanatos: WHAT?! My lovely carnage!

(Pit appears before the Underworld horse, striking a pose.)

Pit: Not today, Thanatos!

(Pit heads for the god.)

Thanatos: Well, I never... What a party pooper!

(Thanatos slides down the back of the horse and attempts to run away, but Pit lands behind him shortly after.)

Pit: You can't run from me!

(Pit heads inside the horse after Thanatos, pausing to look over its gears.)

Pit: All these gears make my head spin...

(Thanatos quickly pops up among the contraptions.)

Pit: Get back here!

(Thanatos retreats and Pit runs after him. After a brief chase, Thanatos comes to a halt.)

Thanatos: Hocus...

(Thanatos transforms his hand into a mace.)

Thanatos: ...pocus!

(Thanatos slams the mace into the ground and Pit narrowly dodges it.)

Pit: Got any other tricks up your sleeve?

Thanatos: Puh-lease! It's all in my flip-flops!

(Thanatos taps his foot twice, which suddenly causes the ground beneath Pit to collapse. Pit nearly falls into the grinding gears below, but manages to hang onto a wooden plank as Thanatos towers over him.)

Thanatos: I know, parting is such sweet sorrow... But don't feel bad. Here's a good-bye gift!

(Thanatos summons a cluster of mace balls in his hand.)

Thanatos: A bouquet of pain!

(Thanatos starts throwing the mace balls at Pit, but he swiftly avoids them.)

Pit: That's enough!

(Pit attempts to shoot him with his First Blade, but the god leans back to avoid it.)

Thanatos: Oh, stop! You are simply tickling me pink! Now, die!

Pit: No!

(Pit shoots behind Thanatos.)

Thanatos: Off by a mile!

(One of the gears overhead begins to collapse above Thanatos as he watches in horror.)

Thanatos: My pretty faaaaace!

(The gear crushes Thanatos, and the Trojan Horse begins breaking apart. Afterwards, Pit is seen lying on the ground amongst the rubble.)

Palutena: Pit? Pit! Are you alright?

(Pit slowly rises to his feet.)

Pit: Ugh...maybe... Almost a Pit pancake there. But...but did I save the people?

(Pit looks around, then perks up as he notices something in front of him.)

Pit: Hey...

Palutena: Faith has saved the day, for you and them. Life always finds the light.

(Pit happily gazes at a dandelion.)

Pit: And death...pluckerized!

(The screen fades to black and displays the words "the end...?" before Thanatos suddenly appears, throwing a fit.)

Thanatos: RAGE QUIT! RAAAAGE QUIIIIT!