Chapter 19: The Lightning Chariot/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the English version of Chapter 19: The Lightning Chariot.

Air Battle
(Pit rushes to the door to start the level.)

Pit: I'm ready to roll!

Viridi: Then let's get to rescuing Palutena!

(Pit leaps through the door and into enemy-infested skies.)

Pit: Underworld troops on the scene!

(Forces of Nature troops swoop in and start attacking the Underworld troops.)

Viridi: I'll send in some backup. If they get in your way, I'll pull them out.

Pit: You know, you can be really nice when you try.

Viridi: The force field around Palutena's temple is incredibly strong. We're going to need to borrow the Lightning Chariot.

Pit: That sounds AWESOME!

(The Touch Screen displays the Lightning Chariot.)

Viridi: It's a superfast battle carriage that travels the galaxy. It's also pulled by unicorns!

Pit: And that's what I'm gonna use to break through the force field?

Viridi: Exactly.

Pit: So basically, you're telling me to slam a horse cart into a brick wall.

Viridi: Sure, if you want to put it crudely.

Pit: Which means I might die.

Viridi: Well, anything's possible.

Pit: Does the Lightning Chariot at least have air bags?

Viridi: Last I checked, no.

Pit: Uh, I'm not a safety nut, but even I draw the line somewhere!

Viridi: So you don't really care about saving Palutena after all.

Pit: Grrrr...

Viridi: She could be in agony at this very moment. She could be trapped inside a dungeon of madness. She could be crying out, "Oh, help me, Pit! Oh, please!"

Pit: OK OK OK OK OK! I guess it IS my duty to rescue her.

Viridi: Yeah, I know! That was my point!

(Viridi flies Pit low to the ground.)

Pit: Aren't I a little low to be flagging down a galactic chariot?

Viridi: It's not like those chicken wings of yours are really helping any.

Pit: Yeah, yeah.

Viridi: Don't worry. I've got a great plan.

Pit: This oughta be good.

Viridi: Have you ever been to the circus, Pit? My favorite act is the human cannonball. It's just such a...thrill ride!

Pit: Where are you going with this?

Viridi: We're going to do our own version...but with an angel instead!

Pit: No way, uh-uh, absolutely NOT!

Viridi: Ugh, you're so boring! Where's your sense of adventure?

(Pit briefly flies around the Angel Cannon before being placed inside of it.)

Viridi: Three! Two! One! FIRE!

(The Angel Cannon shoots Pit into the sky.)

Pit: Waaaaaaaaoh!

(Pit eventually comes to a stop and arrives in space.)

Pit: I could've been blown to smithereens!

Viridi: But you weren't! Look on the bright side!

Pit: So, what's all this?

Viridi: These are patterns formed by galactic particles. Beautiful, aren't they?

(Pit continues through hoards of enemies.)

Viridi: The Underworld presence is very strong. Hmm.

Pit: Do you think they're after the Lightning Chariot too?

Viridi: Huh? Here it comes behind you, Pit!

(The Lightning Chariot zips by.)

Pit: Ah! It is CRUISIN'!

Viridi: The chariot's headed for its home base. Stay on it!

(Pit pursues it into a portal.)

Hades: Well, hello again, friends!

Pit: Hades!

Viridi: Ugh, not you again.

Hades: Just look at the two of you sneaking around behind Palutena's back. It's classic.

Pit: Shut your mouth!

Viridi: What do you want, Hades?

Hades: The Lightning Chariot, obviously!

Viridi: You creep! Just go away already!

Hades: It's one slick ride. A veritable goddess magnet, if you will.

Viridi: Please. I'm a goddess, and I would never ride in that thing.

Hades: But Pitty here sure likes it!

Pit: Are you only here to get in our way?!

Hades: My intentions are always honorable. You know that.

Pit: Whatever you're REALLY up to, we're going to find out!

(Lightning begins to strike overhead.)

Pit: Ugh! Whoa!

Hades: It gives me such pleasure to see you suffer, Pitty Pat.

Viridi: Just ignore him, Pit. The Lightning Chariot is up ahead.

Pit: We've got to get to it before the Underworld does!

(Pit approaches a large tower in the distance.)

Viridi: Both the Lightning Chariot and its master are in that tower. I'll drop you off on the ground floor.

Pit: OK. I'll make my way up from there.

Viridi: Just so you know, the tower's really, really tall. Get ready to feel the burn!

Pit: No worries there. Have you seen these thighs?

Viridi: Ready for land battle, Pit?

Pit: Affirmative!

(Viridi sends Pit through the entrance of the Lightning Chariot Base.)

Part 1
(Pit lands inside the Lightning Chariot Base.)

Pit: So the Lightning Chariot is in this tower, huh?

???: Who dares trespass on my domain? Leave before you get hurt!

Pit: Who said that?

Chariot Master: I've had many names in my life, but now I am called the Chariot Master.

Pit: Oh, great! You're the guy I'm looking for. Listen, I have a favor to ask you. Would you mind if I borrow your chariot for just a little while?

Chariot Master: Your foolishness is matched only by your rudeness. How dare you charge in here, flinging unreasonable requests at me? I've half a mind to turn you into galactic roadkill!

Viridi: You can't really blame him for being upset. That was kind of rude.

Pit: Then I guess there's only one thing I can do. I'll go talk to this Chariot Master guy in person. He's at the top of this tower, right?

Viridi: That's right. Hey, look at you acting all assertive! You're just grabbing life by the horns and shaking it until it moos!

(Pit heads up a long walkway.)

Pit: So...is there an elevator in this tower?

Viridi: Oh, would Prince Pit like me to scatter rose petals in his path too? Listen, this is the only way up, so you'd better get a move on.

(Pit heads into a room with a platform to get across.)

Viridi: You'll need to ride that platform to move forward.

Pit: You know what's weird, Viridi?

Viridi: What?

Pit: There sure are a lot of Underworld troops here.

Viridi: This tower does seem to be lacking proper defenses.

Hades: Any riffraff can just waltz on in. After all, little Pitty here had no problems. But I must admit that I ADORE running amok in other people's homes.

Chariot Master: Another uninvited guest? Very well. At least show your face. So my Lightning Chariot can erase you from existence!


 * [If Pit hits the switch by the door before destroying the nearby enemies.]


 * Pit: Many birds, one boom!


 * (A row of land mines explode, destroying the enemies in the room instantly.)

(Pit heads into a room with alternating floor panels.)

Viridi: Those floor panels alternate between hurting you and not hurting you. They don't seem to have any effect on those Underworld enemies, though. Odd.

Chariot Master: That's a known issue. It'll be resolved in the next version of the tower.

Pit: Someone needs a better QA department.

(Pit enters a room with tall pillars.)

Viridi: The Underworld has taken position up on top of the pillars.

Pit: Well, what goes up... Must come down!

(Pit proceeds up a long walkway.)

Viridi: Jump pads will help you over any gaps in the walkway.

Pit: Man, climbing this tower is really a pain.

Hades: Aw, someone sounds like he wants a piggyback ride!

(Pit enters a room with narrow paths and rolling spheres.)

Pit: OK, so we've got rolling obstacles.

Viridi: And don't forget the jump pads.

Pit: Something seems familiar about this...

Hades: I guess the Chariot Master has played Donkey Kong.

(Pit enters a room with icy floors.)

Pit: Whoa! It's solid ice!

Viridi: Using an Aether Ring should keep you from slipping around.

Pit: Why does the Chariot Master have a vehicle of the gods?

Chariot Master: Isn't it obvious?

Viridi: Are you saying you're a god?

Chariot Master: I'm not saying anything.

Viridi: Aurgh! Then why even bring it up?

(Pit continues up a long walkway.)

Pit: Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Viridi: No, we're not. No, we're not.

(Pit enters a room with land mines.)

Viridi: Be careful you don't step on any land mines.

Pit: I'll do my best.

Viridi: Mines certainly are useless on floating Underworld monsters.

Chariot Master: Yes, yes, I'm quite aware of that.

Hades: Defense really isn't your strong suit, is it? Eh, whatever. Defenses are for the weak and insecure.

(Pit hops onto a Grind Rail.)

Pit: Hey there, grind rail! Time to give these barking dogs a rest!

(Pit enters a room with a Wrecking Ball.)

Viridi: Hey, there's an oversized bowling ball. And some ugly bowling pins!

Hades: My troops are a worthy sacrifice for the sport of kings.


 * [If Pit destroys all of the Reapettes with the Wrecking Ball in one hit.]


 * Viridi: STRIKE!


 * Pit: YESSSSSSS!

(Pit proceeds up a long walkway.)

Pit: Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

(Pit enters a room with strong gusts of wind.)

Viridi: A severe wind advisory is in effect up ahead.

Pit: Thanks for the heads-up. But no little breeze is going to slow ME down!

(Pit proceeds through the room and hops onto another Grind Rail.)

Pit: How convenient!

Viridi: Oh, I'm so pleased that it meets your approval.

(Pit enters a room with an Exo Tank.)

Viridi: Look! The Chariot Master has an Exo Tank!

Pit: Maybe he's a gearhead.

Hades: Or a nerd!

(Pit heads onto a racetrack.)

Pit: Cool! It's a path made of light!

Viridi: Well, this is a nice design flourish.

Chariot Master: No. It's a practice track for the Lightning Chariot. It's not for amateurs!

(Pit continues up a long walkway.)

Pit: Soooo... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Viridi: You know that saying that there are no bad questions? Well, there are, and this is one of them! WE ARE NOT THERE YET! But I do wish there was a way to speed up this process.

(Pit enters a room with a single, large pillar in the center.)

Pit: This pillar seems to have gems stuck on it. What should I do with them?

Hades: The same thing you always do: shoot them.

(Pit shoots a gem, lowering the pillar.)

Pit: Hey! It got lower!

Viridi: Keep knocking it down to reveal a way forward!

(Pit hits all of the gems.)

Pit: Success!

(Pit takes a Jump Pad to a higher level.)

Pit: Whoo hoo hoo hoo!

Part 2
(Pit lands on a higher level with Underworld troops.)

Viridi: Now what do we have here?

Hades: It's time for my minions to do their thing. Underlings! I'm offering 100 gold for the putz's head!

Pit: The name's Pit!

Hades: Yes. I know. Your tenure as a ring doesn't seem to have had any effect on that keen wit of yours.

Pit: Wait, you know that I was turned into a ring?

Hades: Oh, is it a secret? Then don't mind me! Mum's the word!

Pit: Did YOU turn me into a ring?

Hades: Wow, you really are clueless. Don't you know, Pit? You're the cause of all this chaos.

Pit: Whaaaaat?! That makes no sense!

Viridi: Don't let him get to you, Pit. The Underworld Army is the one to blame.

Hades: Why, thank you. That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say.

Viridi: You know what? You're annoying.

Hades: Yow! She's feisty! Wear gloves with this one, minions!

(Pit continues up a long walkway.)

Pit: Am I ever going to get to the top of this tower?

Viridi: I warned you before we got here that it was a long way up.

Pit: Yeah, but this place is so huge, we even had a loading screen back there.

Viridi: Shhh, they're going to hear you! We're not supposed to talk about that!

(Pit enters a room with a maze.)

Pit: Uh... Are we there yet?

Viridi: Yes. If by "there" you mean "at a maze." But it's not that big, so you shouldn't have much trouble.


 * [If Pit waits in the maze too long.]


 * Pit: I think I might be stuck.


 * Viridi: Yeah, looks like it. Just stick with a direction, and you'll get out eventually.


 * [On the walkway after the maze, a random conversation or weapon conversation may trigger.]

(Pit enters a room with Underworld troops.)

Hades: I've got a heaping helping of Underworld goodness for you, Pit!

Viridi: He's saying that more enemies are on their way. Clever, huh.

Pit: Yeah? Well, I whipped up a club-your-face sandwich! Hope YOU'RE hungry!


 * [In the room with Underworld troops, a random conversation or weapon conversation may trigger.]

(Pit hops onto a Grind Rail.)

Pit: Walking's for chumps!

Viridi: Up you go!

Hades: It's like watching a roller-skating chicken.

Pit: Don't even pretend that that's not awesome!


 * [On the second segment of the Grind Rail, a random conversation or weapon conversation may trigger.]

(The Grind Rail escorts Pit through a series of shōji doors.)

Pit: Look at me go! I'm all, "whoosh whooosh!"

Hades: Eloquently put as always.

(Pit enters a room with a Cherubot.)

Pit: Score!

Viridi: Hop on in, Pit!


 * [If Pit hops into the Cherubot.]


 * Viridi: The Cherubot is pure mechanical brawn wrapped in an adorable package. So decimate anything that gets in your way.


 * Pit: Consider it done!

(Pit defeats all the enemies in the room.)

Pit: And that's the end of them! ...Are we there yet?

Viridi: Good job, and no, not yet. But there's just a little ways to go. Oh, and I have a special treat for you up ahead.

(Pit enters a room with a massive Hot Spring and a Bumbledrop.)

Pit: What what WHAT IS THIS?! A. HUGE. HOT SPRING!

Viridi: You're not the only hot-spring fan.


 * [If Pit doesn't defeat the Bumbledrop while the previous dialogue plays.]


 * Viridi: Apparently Underworld monsters value relaxation too.


 * Pit: But why can't they relax somewhere else? THIS IS MY SPECIAL ME TIME!

(Pit proceeds up a long walkway.)

Viridi: Pit, I have some exciting news for both of us. The Chariot Master is just ahead. So you can finally stop asking me if we're there yet.

Boss Battle
(Pit takes a warp to a racetrack, where he encounters a chariot with the unicorn Phos.)

Pit: The Lightning Chariot!

Chariot Master: Grab the reins on Phos there.

Pit: Gee, thanks!

Chariot Master: You misunderstand. This is no gift.

(The Chariot Master zips by in another chariot. Pit then hops into his own and pursues him, initiating the battle.)

Chariot Master: If you want the Lightning Chariot, you must prove your worth.

Viridi: You need two unicorns to pull the Lightning Chariot. That means you have to defeat the Chariot Master and get the other one.

Pit: That won't be a problem!

Chariot Master: Now let's begin.

Pit: This isn't how I wanted things to go, but I have to save Lady Palutena.

Chariot Master: I understand better than you know. For my own master, I would not hesitate to dirty these hands.

Pit: So you serve someone as well?

Chariot Master: I did. I've suffered countless war wounds, but none greater than the loss of my master. I once had many comrades in arms. But they too have returned to the dust. All I have left in this life are my faithful steeds, Phos and Lux.

Pit: Oh...

Chariot Master: My body has long since degraded, and now my soul grows thin. The warrior's path inevitably leads to loss. I have no qualms about this. But you are no warrior, angel. Tell me, why do you fight?

Pit: I fight for Lady Palutena. And I fight for the people under her protection!

Chariot Master: That's not reason enough for an angel.

Pit: Who are you to question my reasons? My choices are my own! And I choose to serve the goddess of light!

Chariot Master: I admire your conviction. It speaks to the deep reservoir of strength within you. But it also proves you very foolish. And though you may be a servant of the heavens, I will show you no mercy!

Pit: And I won't need it!

Chariot Master: We understand each other then.

Pit: We do!

Viridi: Your movements might be limited, but you can still dash and dodge. Dodge out of the way, then let him have it with a power-packed dash attack. I can only assume that he wants you to pull out all the stops for this fight.

(Pit defeats the Chariot Master.)

Pit: I win!

Chariot Master: Well done...

Epilogue
(Pit rushes to the Chariot Master's side, who is collapsed on the ground.)

Pit: What's happening to you?

Chariot Master: Ah heh heh... I seem to have drowned in your reservoir of strength. You've proven yourself worthy of my Lightning Chariot.

Pit: Wait! I don't want it to end this way!

Chariot Master: This is the only way things can end for an old warrior. I have no regrets. I'm trusting you with Phos and Lux. And the future of this realm.

(The Chariot Master's body fades away.)

Viridi: He was an honorable warrior. Don't let his death be in vain.

(A light shines down over Pit.)

Viridi: Now let's go save Palutena.

(Viridi whisks him away.)